Issues of a Single Other Girl

ALAGOSGIRL

Being the other girl comes with a whole lot of heartache. First, you are worried you will never have him all to yourself, then you are worried you people can never go out or even if you do there will be no PDA. You are also worried that one day you might run into the main chick. While you are still worrying that he never picks up when you call but always get to call back and you always get to answer. Very often, you worry that you are actually not his number one priority. Finally, you worry that you are a side chick and might remain there or he will leave you if he finds another side-chick. Yes, everything is wrong with being the other woman.

So then, why do you become the other woman if you know very well that that’s all you will ever be? Is it…

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Issues of a Single Other Girl

Being the other girl comes with a whole lot of heartache. First, you are worried you will never have him all to yourself, then you are worried you people can never go out or even if you do there will be no PDA. You are also worried that one day you might run into the main chick. While you are still worrying that he never picks up when you call but always get to call back and you always get to answer. Very often, you worry that you are actually not his number one priority. Finally, you worry that you are a side chick and might remain there or he will leave you if he finds another side-chick. Yes, everything is wrong with being the other woman.

So then, why do you become the other woman if you know very well that that’s all you will ever be? Is it easier to be just that? Is it that you are scared of commitment? Or is it that there are no guys out there who are single and ready to date? You probably meet those guys every day but then you have set such a standard for yourself that they often don’t meet. This is not a really a difficult standard and your expectations are not out of this world, it’s just that you guys don’t click or you just don’t give it a chance. Or your village people are just after you. Within yourself, you know you have an issue, commitment issues and personal issues you have to deal with but then, doesn’t everyone have issues.

You are constantly attracted to unavailable guys, both emotionally and otherwise. It’s like you can smell them from afar, you just magnet them and you really do not care. You love being single way too much, you are becoming an addict. You think about it and become a little scared and you want to do something about it. So you decide you want to date, you make up your mind and allow your girlfriend hook you up with an attractive guy from her office. She has been going on and on about how when he saw you, he’s been bugging her for your number. You agree and he calls you to set up a date.

You work into that lounge looking really gorgeous in your olive green sleeveless chiffon top and black bodycon skirt. You are wearing a strappy black sandal, the 3 &1/2 inches heel places your height slightly above 6feet. You know you look lovely. He sees you from the other end of the lounge, you notice he looks really good in the black suit he’s wearing, and he has a nice looking face too. He stands up and starts walking towards you and you noticed he wasn’t so tall. He is almost a foot shorter than you without heels, how are you even supposed to kiss each other? Then, you turn around and start walking out of the lounge, but not before you notice his expression turn to shock.

How She Lives

I have a way of life, an interesting way of life. I dream differently because I am different. Everyone is entitled to how they want to live, to values, opinions, dreams and a way of life. I do not just dream to exist, I dream to live, after all its just one life, so why not live it well. To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people just exist. Sometimes I close my eyes and realize that if I die today, the world won’t stop, people will adjust and carry on without you, with time you become nothing but a memory.

From a very little age, I have always wanted to do things my way, it was mostly my way or no other way. I have always been the black sheep, I remember my mother always comparing me to my brother “why can’t you be more like your brother”, she will say. She tried to tame me in lots of ways. Not that I was wild or overly crazy, I realized she just saw a difference, I was not like the others, I thought differently and being different as we know is not typically a good thing to some people.

As soon as I had the chance, I left home; I left home in pursuit of happiness. I met people, different kinds of people, the judgy kind, the normal ones, the carefree ones, the observers, the opinionated ones that had a say in how you should live your life, the abnormal ones, the crazy ones, even the monitoring spirits, I met them all. I tried to find where I fit in. For a long time, I just floated and dabbled, till I realized it was all about happiness. I didn’t change so that people will like me, I stuck to being myself and the right people loved me for me. Though I lost some people, I gained awesome ones. All these shaped me.

This is what I want and how I have decided to live. I will live as if every day might be my last. I want to be independent. I want to feel everything life has to offer, I want to know what it’s like to fall in love and fall out of love. I want to know what it feels like to get heartbroken, have rebound sex, love again, I want to feel it all. I want to travel and swim with the Dolphins, I want to get married and have a baby or two. Now, this only happens if I meet that man that can tolerate all my crazy and still stay, I have learned not to kill myself over things I can’t control. If it doesn’t happen, I won’t be a sad spinster because I believe marriage is not meant for everyone, I will be equally happy to have a baby because I believe I will be a great mother. Now don’t get this wrong, I do not want to be “baby mama”, I will rather be a single mother.

I want people to stop judging, life is not that serious. Don’t be stuck within the boundary of traditions, values, and norms that were here before you came, most that don’t even make any sense but we can’t seem to let go. Do things differently, never say never. Its only one life, live it well and live it to the fullest. At the end of the day all that matters is your happiness and when asked you can boldly say, I LIVED.

Acceptance

As I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was the unfamiliar surroundings. The light was a bit too bright so I closed my eyes and tried opening it again, this time slowly as I tried to take in where I was. It took me a little while to realize I was in a hospital, and then I remember, I had been in an accident. I felt empty and there was a throbbing in my head. My hand went to my stomach and then I heard the door open and I looked up to see Jamal coming in. He looked tired and I wondered how long I have been there and how long he has been with me. He seemed happy to see that I was awake because his eyes lit up and I saw a smile on my face as he walked quickly to my bedside. “Hey you”, he said….you nearly scared me silly, I am glad you are awake, I will get the doctor quickly”. He bent and kissed my forehead before he headed outside not even waiting for me to respond.

The doctor explained to me that I had lost the baby, something about an ectopic pregnancy and how it wasn’t so safe. I didn’t realize I was crying till Jamal sat by the bed and held me. He told me everything was going to be fine. Since no one knew about the pregnancy, we decided to keep it between us. My aunt had traveled out of the country, and since I was getting discharged after the doctor concluded I was fit to leave, but I needed bed rest and someone to watch me, Jamal volunteered. As we left the hospital, I felt sad and relieved all at once. Jamal looked at me and smiled as he drove, “you look like a child”, he commented. I smiled back at him and asked him how he knew I was in the hospital. “They called one of the most frequently dialed numbers on your phone and it happened to be mine”, he responded. “I almost had a heart attack, I drove like a madman, it’s a good thing I got to the hospital in one piece”. “I am sorry”, I replied. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about Mimi, just don’t scare me like that ever again ok”, he said. “Okay”, I responded.

We got to his house and he decided he was going to carry me up the stairs. We argued about it for a couple of minutes before he wore me out. He carried me up the stairs and into his room and lay me on the bed. He gave me my phone and suggested I called, Amanda, Chisom and Dammie as they have been worried sick and they will want to come see me. I laughed as I took the phone from him, “I’ll go get you something to drink okay”, he said. As he left the room, I dialed Chisom’s number after which I called Mandy and Dammie. After speaking to them I realized Jamal did love me, he had been with me at the hospital for two days and didn’t leave not even to go change or go to the office according to Chisom.

Downstairs, Jamal stopped at the kitchen to get Mimi some water and a whiskey for himself. He had never been as scared as he was when he got that call two days ago from the hospital. He had left what he was doing and ran out of the office like the devil was on his tail. When he learned she lost the baby, he was sad but relieved, as much as he loved her, he didn’t want her to feel caged and like she had no option, he wanted her to really want him, all of him and stop fighting. He carried the tray upstairs but she wasn’t on the bed, he heard the tap come on in the bathroom as he set the tray on the table. “Mimi”, he called. “In here”, she yelled from the bathroom. He sat on the bed and waited for her to come out.

I washed my face, I needed a toothbrush and I searched and found one in the cabinet. I felt ready to face him after. As I stepped out, he stood up from the bed, “are you okay he asked?” I walked up to him and hugged him, he had this look on his face like, what was that for. “I think I am ready to marry you Jamal”, I said. Jamal couldn’t believe his ears. “Really woman, so it takes an accident and scaring me half to death for you to agree to my proposal?” I shut him up with a kiss, he still kept trying to get a few words out. I stopped for a second and said, “I love you Jamal, just kiss me for now, you can yell at me later”.

 

An Unexpected​ Turn

I wasn’t ready for a baby just yet. This wasn’t my plan. I wanted to build a career, stand on my own two feet, fall in love, get married, then have a baby. Like, they say….things don’t always go the way you plan it. The last part of the plan is now coming first and it’s all my fault. I have been thinking of how to manage the pregnancy for a week now. Jamal finding out has not helped at all, he called and dropped by my office every opportunity he got. I loved the man but he’s beginning to choke me. I needed a chance to clear my head.

I scrolled through the vacation packages on wakanow.com looking for an affordable place to go. As much as I would love to get married and have a baby, though I am going to be doing the last one first I needed some time to think. Is this the right thing to do at this time? Am I ready to take this step? “What are you doing?”, Jamal’s voice asked accusingly from the doorway, interrupting my thoughts. I hadn’t realized he had knocked or opened the door. He strolled into the office and I quickly closed my laptop so he would not see what I was looking at. He came around my desk and opened the laptop. He looked and me and back at the vacation offer pages open on my laptop. “Are you planning on running Mimi?” he asked. “No…. I lied”. “So why are looking at travel packages?”. ” I was only looking, I am not planning on going anywhere, they just have really cool packages, I lied again”. “I know all this is was not planned, he said,  but I promise I will be with you every step of the way. We could get married if you want, I know I want to marry you, I still do not know why you don’t believe me, I really do….so I would need you not to run away please, stay and we will figure this out okay”. We stared at each other….he bent down and placed a kiss on my forehead and walked away.

What is wrong with you Mimi? I asked myself, every other girl will jump at this. But that is the thing, I am not every other girl. I needed to talk to someone and I needed to talk to someone really fast. I shut down my laptop, picked up my handbag and headed for the door, I was going to talk to Chisom, she was in town briefly to pack up the rest of her stuff after the honeymoon as she was moving to Abuja to join her husband. First I was going to stop quickly for some ice cream and then to Chisom’s apartment in Lekki. As I drove to the supermarket, my mind went back to the travel package I had started booking. Was getting away really the best plan? It wasn’t like I was settling, I really loved this man, but why can’t I just make up my mind?

Chisom was quiet after I told her the whole story, then she just burst into laughter. My surprise turned into a frown as I didn’t get what was funny. “You know as much as you put up a tough front, I can see right through”, she said. The only sound I could get out was “huh!”. “I can see you love Jamal….yes he has always been a ladies man, he’s handsome and has girls throwing themselves at him, but we can all see that he loves you, she continued. “The way he looks at you when you are not watching, he’s always calling Stan to talk about you and he bought you a Ford for Christ’s sake….I think you hit the jackpot babe. Yes, this wasn’t your plan but sometimes, God has a much better plan for us, okay”. “You think so”, I responded. “I know so sweety”, she answered.

As I drove home hours later, I was convinced that this was the way it was supposed to be. Once I got home I was going to call Jamal and tell him I love him and I think we should get married. I felt a sense of relief and then a sharp pain in my stomach that blinded me for a second…I swerved quickly and the next thing I knew my car ran into the street light pole and I blacked out.

THE COMPLICATED GIRL

“Why wasn’t it me?” Carrie asked the love of her life right before he married another woman. “No, seriously. I really need to hear you say it. Come on, be a friend.” “I don’t know. It just got so hard… and she’s…” replied Mr. Big. “Yeah.”

I know it’s clichéd to quote “Sex and the City,” but it’s still so relevant. This episode revealed to girls like me what we’ve subconsciously known for a long time: We are the type of girls you should be with, but you don’t want to be with. Mr. Big was probably going to finish that statement with “easy.” Natasha, his soon-to-be wife, is easy — as in, she just goes with the flow. She doesn’t get angry or challenge him to be better. She nods and laughs and is always comfortable. She’s sweet and good-natured and lets him do whatever he wants. Carrie is complicated. She doesn’t put up with not getting everything she deserves. She craves more from Big. She has opinions and a life and dreams for the two of them together. She sometimes argues with him at inopportune times because she’s passionate and emotional, and she cares. Not that Natasha doesn’t care. But, she is a basic girl who wants to keep the peace at any cost, even if that means she put her needs aside. Her mind isn’t quite as analytical and imaginative as Carrie’s, so she can put up with more. She’s simple. I am not simple. I am a challenge for any man, I will admit. As hard as I try to be the simple girl, it is just not in my nature to be one. I demand more from everyone because I see great potential. I only want the best for myself and for my partner, so I will never just go along with some semblance of a mediocre, passionless relationship. An unevolved man or a boy will always want the simple girl. He doesn’t want to have to work hard for anything, especially not a relationship. He doesn’t want to be challenged or confronted.

But, a real man knows that by being with a complicated girl, he will be better for it. At times, this girl can be difficult, but he knows her intentions are good. With healthy communication, the relationship will become stronger. This is the type of girl you should marry. You may think it’s not what you want, but you want her. The easy girl will never satisfy you. She will be sweet but uninspiring. She will always leave you wanting more. Even stubborn Mr. Big came to realize he didn’t want it easy, and he ended up cheating on Natasha… with Carrie. Complicated girls are creative and, at times, emotional. She may also have a touch of what some people call “crazy” or “bitchy.” But, no one will love you better. No one will make love to you with as much passion. No one will encourage you to follow your dreams. You will have many deep conversations with her that make you question your beliefs and ideas. She will outsmart you on many occasions. It won’t always be easy, but it will be more satisfying and always entertaining. A simple girl has a simple mind. Things won’t be so hard when you are with this girl; it will be calm seas and smooth sailing. This is the type of girl you probably imagine yourself marrying, not the one who is opinionated and smart, who doesn’t always agree. But, if you want to be the best you can be and expand your mind and capabilities, marry the complicated girl.

Marry the girl who tells you exactly what she expects and follows through. Marry the girl who demands your respect. Marry the girl who can talk politics, even if her opinions are different from yours. Marry the girl whose eyes flicker with passion about a number of different subjects. Marry the girl who won’t let you get away with slacking on your talents. Marry the girl who pushes you to be better every day. Marry the girl with whom you sometimes fight. Marry the girl who is your equal or greater. My dad always says the thing that attracted him most to my mom was the fact that she was smarter than him. Only a real man can say that and know it’s good for him. Don’t get me wrong; a complicated girl who is not yet mature will be a pain in the ass. She will pick fights with you about everything, and you will always feel like a failure in her presence because you won’t know how to make her happy. But, with a little experience and wisdom, this is the girl who will become wife material. And, once she’s at that point, you better never let her get away, or you’ll risk losing the best thing you ever had.

 

Culled From Elite Daily

The Test Result

I have never been late before in my life except during my youth service when I was a week late, I wasn’t worried because I knew there was nothing to worry about. The doctor at the camp clinic said it might be a hormonal change or stress and it happens sometimes. But this time I was freaking out, I had a lot to be worried about. I and Jamal had been so carried away we forgot to use protection and I carelessly forgot about the morning after pill. I sat on the toilet seat praying the result will be negative, this was the second stick I was peeing on, as the first one fell inside the toilet because my hand were shaking so much. I came out and placed the stick it on the sink as I washed my hand. I had just gotten back from work where I hadn’t been myself all day. Jamal was out of town and he was due back that evening.

As I walked into the room to change out of my work clothes, there was a knock on the door, which was thrown open immediately after. Jamal stood there wearing a silly grin on his face, looking handsome but worn out. He had folded the sleeves of his white shirt and untucked it from his navy blue chinos pants. “Hi babe, I’ve missed you”, he said as he walked into the room and enveloped me in a warm hug. I had missed him too so I hugged him back. He kissed my forehead and gave me a probing look. “You look tired, he said”. I smiled and said to him, “you look tired too”. I had forgotten about the pregnancy pee stick on top of the sink, I was really happy to see him. “Well, I am coming straight from the airport, I had to see you, it’s been two weeks and you were all I have been thinking about”, he responded. Immediately he said that I remembered the stick on top of the sink. “Oh God! I whispered, I will be right back”, I said and made a dash for the bathroom.

She looked really tired Jamal thought as she followed Mimi behind as she dashed for the bathroom. It’s been two weeks since they saw and he had really missed her. He still had the ring she had rejected in his pocket. He knew she was being stubborn and he was going to get her to accept the proposal. He had never met someone like her before, she was stubborn, independent and sexy as hell. She tested his patience and kept him on his toes but he liked it, he didn’t like boring, that’s what most of his relationships had been. He wanted someone that will match him both mentally and otherwise and he just found it, the question now is how to convince this strong headed girl that he was the one for her.

Immediately he entered the bathroom, he saw her snatch something from the sink, he couldn’t tell what it was because she took it in a hurry, then his eyes went to the waste bin by the sink and he saw an empty carton of home pregnancy kit. His eyes moved from the empty carton to where I stood by the water closet. “Mimi, are you pregnant?” he asked. This was not how I planned this I thought, I wanted to know if I was first before I even told anyone and, he was the last person I planned on telling. Why did he just have to be everywhere, I thought. “I don’t know yet”, I just took the test before you entered and I haven’t gotten around to checking the result”, I answered. This was not the plan I had for myself, I wanted to further my career not have a baby, I wasn’t even married yet and here I was, probably pregnant. “Let’s look at the stick together then”, he suggested making me snap out of my thoughts. I nodded and he stepped closer as I raised the stick and held it properly so we can have a look at the what the outcome was. Two red lines flashed on both our faces, we looked at each other and down at the stick again. “Two lines means positive Jamal”, I said in a very low tone. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry and he drew me closer and brought his lips down on mine in a very possessive kiss. This wasn’t the response I expected I thought as I got carried away by the kiss.