Mugu Money Spender

I couldn’t believe my ears, “have a baby for a man I barely know?”. Now I know Saliu was not very okay upstairs, they probably dropped him on his head when he was a baby. I practically chased him out of the house after the ridiculous proposal, and the most annoying thing is that he didn’t see anything wrong with what he had proposed. I told him I would get back to him on what I thought about it. As soon as he left I called the security post and told them never to let him into the house ever. Then I called Dami and Mandy to give them a break down of what my afternoon has been like, Dami couldn’t stop laughing, she was laughing up till the time I got off the phone, Mandy was as shocked as I was and kept asking me if Saliu or whatever he called himself was really okay. They agreed to come over to my house the next day because this issue wasn’t one to let go just like that.

Sunday morning, I woke up and decided to attend the 8 am service, It’s been a while I went to church and I felt guilt. I dug up my long ankara gown I wore for my cousin’s ashebi two months ago, it was a  pretty colourful but it was lovely, I didn’t feel like wearing heels, so I matched it with my strappy black sandals and a small black clutch purse, put on very light makeup, let down my hair, snatched my car keys from the top of the dresser and headed out. My aunt was seated at the balcony and immediately I stepped out, she gave me a look, “Hmm! We are going to church today”, she said with a mischevious smile on her face. I knew she was teasing me. “Come on big aunty, I do go to church” I retorted. “Yes, once in a blue moon”, she said with a much bigger smile, go ahead, don’t mind. I smiled and walked on, “pray for us o”, she called after me.

I drove to my favourite smoothie place at Lekki  after church, my aunty already sent me an SMS saying not to for forget to get some. As I was driving out of the smoothie place, the next thing I heard on my bumper was, bam!. Some idiot impatient driver who wasn’t looking where he was going  bashed me from behind. I was already fuming inside, I peered through my rear view mirror and saw a big headed man still seated on the wheels of his big silver coloured Mercedes Benz SUV. “Chai, this guy has bought case o”, I thought to myself. I opened my door and got out of the car, as I walked towards the rear of my car to check out the damage, I noticed the man stepping out of his car, he stood for a little while and looked me from head to toe. He seemed to be in his late forties, he looked very polished and sophisticated. He approached me, “Good day ma’am, he began, I apologise for hitting you, I just took my eyes off the road for a moment and I didn’t see you there, I will take care of the bill, just give a moment”, he went back to his car. I stood there, wondering what was going on, he didn’t even let me speak, plus he didn’t really do any much damage, it was just a scratch. He came back with a booklet in his hand which turned out to be his chequebook. “Hold on Sir,”, I began. “No, you really don’t have to worry yourself”. “I know, but it’s all my fault”, he interrupted. “Haa! see this overly nice man oo”, I thought. “You don’t have to worry Sir”, it’s just a scratch”, I tried to protest as he starting writing on the cheque. The way he apologised and was trying to handle the situation just made me feel sympathetic, I decided I wasn’t going to collect the cheque.

“A lovely girl like you shouldn’t go around driving a scratched car”, he responded and tore out the check and handed it to me. I looked down at the cheque leaflet and my eyes widened in shock. “I think this is a bit too much”, I said, still staring down at the figures written on the leaflet, N200,000, for a scratch that will cost me next to nothing to fix, “this man must be crazy”, I thought. “You can call me Kenny, Kenny Ogundare”, he said. “I think hitting  you was a very good thing”, he continued, as soon as I got down and saw you, I knew no amount could be too big to fix your car, you are really lovely, he winked at me. My eyes widened some more, not from the figures on the cheques anymore, but because it dawned on me that Mr Polish was hitting on me, so much for looking all responsible. This man was almost twice my age and he really had the nerve. “I can see you want to spend money”, I thought to myself, just get ready. “Thank you very much Mr Kenny”, I said and plastered a fake smile on my face, “you are really nice”. “Anything for a beautiful lady”, he responded. “Here’s my card I would like to get to know you better”. An accident has suddenly turned to a pick-up,  I shook my head, “men”, I thought. I walked to my car, got out my card from the pigeonhole and handed it to him. “I hope that will be enough to take care of your car?” he asked, pointing at the cheque I held in my hand with a smile on his face. I was almost tempted to say no, but I just decided to be a good girl, “of course, more than enough, thank you”, I responded. I thanked him one more time, wished him a good day and started walking to my car, I could feel his eyes on my ass as I walked away. “Horny old goat”, I thought. I was already dreaming of my red shoe I  made a down payment on that I was going to finally pay in full for, I smiled as I drove home to give my aunt the gist and my new atm.