Before You Take That Leap

Today I just lay on the bed wondering why most of the girls I know were in a hurry to get married, I keep hearing all the good ones are taking and I just want to get married. My mom will always find a way to chip it in at the end of every phone call, even though she doesn’t say it directly I knew exactly what she wanted to say. I will run into some old friends and the first question they will ask is, “so are you married now?” makes me feel as if marriage was an achievement and not something you do when you are ready both mentally and otherwise and when you find that person that just completes and matches your crazy. Lots of weddings and people getting married every Saturday. I have some friends that got married right after we left school and some even when we were in school that their marriage has broken or having lots of issues and regrets. My friend Adaora is one of such people, sorry for diverting guys but you need to hear her story. I can’t help but say I told you so in my mind though.

She  is 25 years old now, married with one kid and no longer in love with her husband. I remembered when she met Kenny in our final year, he was charming, he totally swept her off her feet. Kenny was every girl’s dream, good-looking, kind and rich and quite older than us. she was 21 and he was 30, They dated for a couple of months and he surprised her with a ring, a huge expensive rock, I bet she said yes more because of the ring than because she truly wanted to get married. Her mom was overjoyed, she kept pushing them to set a wedding date. I  kept asking her if she was sure she wanted to take the marriage leap so many times that at a point she got angry with me.Everyone was so surprised, I told her plainly that I didn’t think she was ready and that she was making a mistake.

Don’t get me wrong Adaora wasn’t money conscious or materialistic. She was a very pretty girl, tall, light skinned,and quite brilliant. She was very outgoing and the life of the party. According to her, she accepted Kenny’s proposal because she thought she loved him and she wasn’t sure she would meet someone like him again in future, funny I dare say. We were rounding off our final year in international relations when he proposed to her. They one of the biggest weddings, Kenny really spoilt, he took her to London to shop for the wedding and for their honeymoon they went to Cape town, everything happened so fast I don’t believe Adaora had time to think . At one point I thought he was trying to buy her love. After they  had settled, I left for my master’s abroad and wished her good luck but we still kept in touch, She got a job as an assistant communications person, this was the same time she got the news from the doctor that she was 2months pregnant. She called to break the news to me and also tell me that Kenny wanted her to stay home because of the pregnancy and not take the job. I was so mad I felt like calling her out, but I kept my thoughts to myself and just told her that I thought the job will be a great opportunity and she should reason with her husband, which I guess she did because she later took the job.  One more thing, Adaora was the kind of girl that gets bored easily.

She started working for the IT firm, she was so good at her job that when the main communication’s manager left, they offered  her the position. She was 23 then and most people  still didn’t believe she was married. Whenever she saw pictures I  posted on Facebook or Instagram, she will get so excited and want to here the whole gist or where I went. That was when it began,  she realized she’s missed out on so many things. “I was so scared of the future that I made a bad decision” Mimi she told me one day when I went to visit. She wanted to go out more, I would call her and she will sneak out to come hang out with me, go clubbing, get toasted by young guys and get the feeling of being single again. It was very shameful for me to admit that she seemed happier when she was living my imaginary single life than when she was with my husband. It was like she wanted to be single again.  Don’t get me wrong she loved her daughter and she would do anything for her but she just didn’t want to be married anymore. I told her not to put me in trouble, in as much as I loved her, I liked her husband too and he wasn’t a bad man at all.

It got so bad that she started taking off her wedding ring whenever she was out of the house .I knew Kenny noticed a change in her because he called me one day to ask me if had noticed anything different about his wife or if she had told me anything, which I lied and said no to.

That was when she met Chris, “Mimi, I think am in love”, she came to my house that fateful day to tell  me. She had met her very  own Boris Kodjoe, tall, dark and sexy as hell. “He knows am married and  I know am married but I can’t help it” Mimi she gushed.” I am in love,he is everything Kenny is not and everything he is, impulsive, fun, kind and generous to a fault”. My mouth fell open as I listen to her go on and on. “The first time we had sex, it was like I was having sex for the first time, he did things to me that I didn’t know was possible, now he wants me to leave Kenny and move in with him, and I really want to but it will kill Kenny”, she said almost close to tears. “Should I sacrifice my happiness and be unhappy for the rest of my life?” she asked me. I was confused and dumbfounded, I didn’t know it had gotten to that extent, I didn’t know what to tell. I said a fast prayer in my mind that I would never find myself in a situation like this, I didn’t even know what advice to give.


One thought on “Before You Take That Leap

  1. Too bad, At 21 I wasn’t even ready for commitments of any sorts, all I wanted to do was go out there and make me some money. But then, we all have different priorities, we all have to be sure of the choices we make, hence the look befor you leap.


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